Wednesday, February 08, 2006
(x-posted from the LJ. Originally posted 02-0-06.)
For the first time in nearly three years, I believe I can do it. Deep down, I believe.
I used to believe that I could--that I *would*--be published. That I'd manage to make it. Break out. Affect change, if even in my own quiet little way. Even a tiny pebble dropped into the waves ripples outward, after all.
I don't know exactly what happened, or maybe it was everything combined... but something in me *broke* three years ago. Cause I'd try to tell myself it was true, try to force myself to believe it, but it was like my heart was ... empty. Like where there'd once been a well of hope and determination, there was a gaping hole... the abyss.
I don't know what changed. I don't know if it was the realisation I made a few weeks ago regarding writing, or if that was only the catalyst... but I have hope again. Determination. And confidence.
I'll do it. I *know* I will... and this time it's not me parroting words in a vain effort to convince myself. I *believe* it.
And that... that feeling is euphoric.
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 7:28 AM
