Wrote 303 in prewriting for Stronger. The exercises are helping quite a bit; when I did Kierhan's last week, I came up with conflict for him I otherwise wouldn't have thought of, along with further complications. With Aster ... well, heh. I realised part of why I may have been having trouble with her. She's a lesbian. She just hasn't thought about her sexuality; so much else has gone on that she assumed she was straight and just kept ending up with assholes or guys that otherwise weren't right for her.
This should make the sequel, Stranger to the Light, interesting, as Aster is its' MC, and I'd planned a romance between her and one of the scouts for the blood vampire invasion force. I'd assumed it would be het, but if Aster's lesbian... it could definitely be a lot of fun. I've never actually written a lesbian romance before. :)
Also wrote a 190-word long poem that I'm rather pleased with. It has a bit of a different tone than most of my poetry, while still being in the same style.
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 1:06 PM
Finished Transformation at 3k. I'm very pleased with how it turned out, even if the MC is begging for her own novel. At least it's set in the Stronger universe; I've already got a fair number of novels planned, and other characters have dibs first. (As the series is loosely connected ... there's running plot threads throughout them all, but I'm trying to make them stand alone ... even if Stronger doesn't sell, I figure I can still write and hopefully sell Stranger.)
It feels really good to get back to writing again. :)
And, a bit of writerly humor...
[17:48] mistressnonny: Your Muse is infectious. >_<
[17:48] Alli: LOL, I saw that
[17:48] Alli: I really am sorry. >_<
[17:48] mistressnonny: hehe
[17:50] mistressnonny: i _guess_ it's better than having the muse go dry...
[17:50] Alli: *snicker*
[17:50] mistressnonny: after all, you can't exactly buy lube for your muse
[17:50] Alli: o_O
[17:52] Alli: That's a freaky mental image
[17:53] mistressnonny: cure for writer's block! MuseLube!
[17:53] mistressnonny: ;)
[17:53] Alli: XD
[17:53] Alli: I need a MuseSedative XP
[17:53] mistressnonny: I need MuseRitalin. :P
[17:53] Alli: LOL
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 11:41 AM
It's about 2PM EST, and I'm over in Evolution's Workroom ... anyone wanna pop in for a Word War?
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 2:07 PM
I made a phone post over on my LiveJournal the other day ... mostly blabbering about my rewrite, but I thought some of y'all might be interested in putting a voice to the words. ;)
Aside from that ... I decided the other day to go ahead and start working on the rewrite using the Maass exercises. I'd originally written Stronger with BN principles in mind, so going over it with applicable exercises would strengthen what I already had.
So, I get to the second exercise, which asks, essentially, what my protagonist wants.
I stop dead in my tracks, about like a zombie slammed by a pickup truck. I had no idea what Cassandra wanted. None.
Okay. This is bad. But not too bad. I have notes from BN course. Fairly substantial notes, actually, though not quite as thorough as I would have liked; I'm thinking that most of the little niggling details, I'd fleshed out in IM and chat; back then, I didn't keep chat logs. I didn't trust my parents not to find them and get pissed that I was talking to people online.
I found a transcript I had saved--a filetting session. In it, I had my original idea trashed, and was told I could only have one villain, I couldn't have Cassandra be depressed, and it was a LKH ripoff.
In the original premise, I was going to have two distinct factions of the Dark Court. Alex Chandler wanted Cassandra, powerful byproduct of a forbidden union between two kreshida (psychic vampires), dead, because the last Abomination nearly destroyed their race centuries before. Eric White wanted to make her their Queen, hoping to turn her survived traumas into a tool he could use to manipulate her and reuinite their Court.
I have a much lesser version of that in the book as it stands; also, Alex decided that he didn't want to kill Cassandra, he wanted to surrender to his love for her. Like, two days before the assignment was due. *thunks*
As a result of that, I had to run with Eric as the villain, and I really hadn't done much development on him, since I'd trusted A's opinion; she'd been writing much longer than I, had taken the course the prior year, and said some of my problems were ones that she'd been thwapped upside the head for, too. So, me being inexperienced, I believed her.
To be fair, she was also a romance writer, and romance and fantasy are two very different genres. (The battered, mutilated corpse of a thing that is my first attempt at writing romance stands as testament to that fact!) I know that in romance, more than one villain can complicate the subplot, detracting from the main plot. That said, she'd also written fantasy, and gave a different reason for why you couldn't have more than one villain--it would detract from the climax and make the hero's win matter less. Which I flat-out don't agree with.
In regards to Cassandra's depression ... she's had people trying to kill her for the past few years, and striking out at those she loves. Of course she's going to be depressed. Of course she's going to be despairing. The attitude people had was that if she was depressed in any way, she wouldn't be sympathetic. I can understand that it's something that needs to be handled carefully, but I cut it all out, and I think that was a mistake.
As to "ripoff" ... yes, there are similarities. It's the same subgenre, dealing with some of the same supernatural creatures. That being said, by that logic, LKH is a ripoff of Misty Lackey's Diana Tregarde. No idea is inherently original. Everything borrows from everything else. It's how you tell the story and what you do with it that makes it original.
I have to admit, I got fairly angry reading the transcript. It probably shows with how long this post has gotten. Partly for what was said to me, and partly because I bought it and compromised what I wanted to do with the story.
Knowing what I do now... knowing it wasn't what I wanted in the beginning... even though the story is saleable with some reasonably minor rewrites ... I wouldn't be happy with it, because it's not what I wanted. So that means I've got a heftier rewrite in store for me than I'd thought.
Fortunately, I'm fairly certain I can pull it off without having to revise the entire thing. It's not like Sanctuary, Mercenary or Bridge of Faith, all of which require major rewriting before I ever let them see the light of day.
I can do this.
It's just hard. Very hard. Because ... *sighs*
Part of it is that when I first started prewriting the novel, I was best friends with my ex-fiance. He and I were both taking the course; him officially, me as an auditor, because there were only so many slots for participants. We spent a lot of time in chat and IM, brainstorming and tossing ideas back and forth. Looking through files, notes, and things, I kept finding logs, snips of chat, and ... while he was an abusive asshole to me when we were together, I miss having someone who understood my writing, what it meant to me, what I wanted to do. While I don't think he had the skill to write the kind of novel he was aiming for (that said, he never actually finished the one I thought had the best bet of being that), he understood the theory well, and could critique and make suggestions based on BN concepts and principles.
I haven't found that since. And I miss that gestalt dearly. I don't miss him, but that ... that I miss.
The book brings back a lot of memories. They're not all bad, which is almost worse in a way. Bittersweet and tragic. I had a lot going on when I was writing Stronger. I poured a lot into it. I only hope that I can prevent my feelings of the past now from contaminating the book. I don't think they will ... but it's a fear.
I'm so tired of having to fight every time I try to write something more than a short story. It seems like that's all I do anymore--fight the memories, fight past conditioning, fight fears. I feel like some whiny little bitch that can only make excuses and complain about what's been done to her. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of fighting.
But the only alternative to fighting is to give up and give in. And I'll be fucked with a tabasco-laced cactus by Satan's lead demon and a pack of hell-hounds before I let that happen.
Onward now and on forever and onward now.
All great things to come.
We few, we lucky few.
Once more to the breach, dear friends, once more...
--VNV Nation
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 7:43 AM
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 5:34 AM
I'm in an odd way of it at the moment.
Some of y'all--but not the majority--knew me back in 2002, when I was writing consistently. I got together with my abusive ex-fiance late in that year, and left Washington State in early 2003 to be with him. Writing brought the two of us together, but the longer we were together, the more he satobaged my dreams.
I was pretty messed up when I broke up with him. Problems with my prior relationship didn't help matters, though most of those were due to trying to make an impossible situation work. I got back, kind of, to writing last summer, but that was short-lived, as depression, job-hunting, etc, interfered. (Actually, I've had trouble with situational depression the past three autumns... hopefully can avoid that this year. At least in 2002, it didn't completely derail me.)
When I left Washington, I was very confident. I believed that my dreams weren't out of reach, that I could achieve them. That confidence faded with time. I attributed it to grandiosity.
"Sure, you might get published, but you won't manage anything substantial. Besides, you should get a Real Job and stop playing at Pro."
No, I'm not a professional writer in that I can support myself on my writing. I'm a professional in my demeanor and attitude; I'm a professional in my outlook; I'm a professional in that I have made a pro-paid sale.
When I was having so much trouble with the fibromyalgia after I moved here, I came to the conclusion that I likely wouldn't be able to hold a job, so started working on the writing again. Thing is, supplements and such that didn't work before seem to be working now, to the point I haven't had to take a pain pill in three weeks. (Except the half ultram I took for a bad toothache, and that doesn't count.)
Morgan and I have been talking. I've been like, "If I'm not in so much pain that I can't hold a job, then I really should start job-hunting as soon as we have the car on the road." His attitude ... rather surprised me. He would understand if I wanted to get a job, but I don't need to; finances have been tight recently because of the unexpected $1700 vet bill that needed to be paid in full that week. Otherwise, things may be a bit tighter than both of us would prefer, but it's not going to kill us or cause problems for me not to work.
He's stated his preference--he would rather me not work. Not to stay at home and cook and clean or shit like that, but to write, to pursue my dream in a way not open to him.
On one hand, I want, with all my heart and soul, to dedicate myself to my writing, to pursue my dreams, and be everything I know that I am capable of.
On the other hand, I should get a job. I should be bringing in money. I should do this, I should do that.
I'm sick of "should"s. They've ruled too much of my life. But it's hard to take that step.
It's hard to have confidence in myself after so long. I know my work is publishable. I know Stronger will sell, especially after I finish the rewrite; it may take time to place it, but it will sell. I know the short fiction will sell, too.
I have an opportunity that so few writers have, but so many long for, but I'm afraid to take it. I'm just ... afraid. And I don't know why.
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 11:29 AM
Submitted six stories a few hours ago; at this point, I think I have all that are in submittable condition out, with the exception of a couple that are going to be hard to place. (And I think I found somewhere to send one.)
Need to work on the rewrite for Stronger. I'm waffling a bit on it, because I'm trying to decide if I need to/should go through it with the Maass workbook and do the exercises. I don't think it needs it, but I'm not sure if doing so wouldn't help the book. Mreh.
I think I'm also going to be teaching A&B solo again this year; a friend of mine had offered to help co-teach it with me, but he's been busy recently, and has a kid. Since I want to do it over the summer, I'm not sure that's going to work out. So I need to get together a syllabus and plan out the course. I made some mistakes last year that I plan to rectify, and hopefully it goes better this year than last. *crosses fingers*
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 4:37 AM
Who actually reads this?
If you read, please post a comment?
:)
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 6:19 AM
So ... I'm editing Stronger than the Night, going through the first chapter--which I'd been working on earlier in the week, but put on hold while waiting for my mother (who's a nurse) to get back to me with some medical information--right? And then I come across this--
His face contorted in rage as he drew his arm back, prepSatanng for the downward strike that would end her life.
And here I am trying to figure out how the hell Satan got into that sentence. Apparently the dude's just trying to get his ass into a lot of places now! (Or maybe something more than his ass. :P)
Then it hits me.
I did a find and replace all earlier in that chapter, to change the name Ari to Satan. Apparently it thought that the "ari" in "preparing" was supposed to be changed, too. >_<
Obviously, I will have to turn case sensitivity on. (Because I'm so good at turning things on, ya know? ;)
Definitely an amusing moment.
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 6:08 AM
I just spent, oh, a good four or five hours going through a metric shitload of old fiction. Dear gods. My mind needs a bath. (I wrote a longer post about it over at Evolution, if anyone wants to take a look... I just don't feel like writing it all out again! LOL!)
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 6:04 AM
Received the edits for Walk in Blood from Shadowed Realms about an hour or two ago. Went through them, fixed and twiddled things, and shot it back. Though, one of the editor's comments on the story:
> Overall, I was very taken by the concept of your
> story, plus the structure of your sentences and
> their grammatical accuracy conveyed a polished
> professionalism.
... I submitted the rough draft. (Seriously. I ran a spellcheck and made sure there were no glaring errors, but other than that ... nothing.)
*thinks*
Then again, I think everything I've submitted, with the exception of a very few old stories that went through a complete overhaul, has been a rough draft. >_<
This, however, makes for a very confident kitty regarding further submissions.
*bounce*
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 5:34 AM
Well, I was going to work on writing this morning, but after having been up over twenty-four hours the prior day, and then getting about three hours of sleep ... I was a bit too tired for that. Also, the story I'm working on, I'm trying to figure out precisely how to write it.
(And I'd best hurry, because, dammit, it needs to be done by tomorrow evening. :P)
That said, I recompiled my submissions database ... it was out of date, and I figured a better way to organise it. Then queried on some stories I hadn't heard anything from in awhile, resubmitted to one place because they never got the story, and did some new story submissions.
Currently, I have 26 stories that are submittable. 13 are out, including the ones I submitted this morning. (Sent stories to Oceans of the Mind, Strange Horizons, Farthing, and Story House.) So, basically, half. (That said, the erotica is going to be a bitch to place ... I love writing it, but the style of erotica I write is difficult because I don't write straight contemporary--I always have a fantastic/speculative element to it.)
And now, off to make food, catch male when he comes home, and go to sleep.
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 11:57 AM
Edited to fix the HTML. Dear gods, that borked...
Dear Nonny,
As it has been so long since you originally submitted, Walk in Blood I decided I should research the possibility you may have sold it to someone else. In doing so I stumbled across your evolutionwriters site. Congratulations on securing another 2 'points of Courage' for a story sale and an additional extra 'personal editor point'. You deserve to be commended for this is wonderfully supportive outlook you are fostering at your site and also the positive view of rejections. Well done!
After giving careful consideration to your submission, Walk in Blood, we would like to publish your story in Issue 5 of Shadowed Realms--please confirm you have not previously sold this story as we no longer accept reprints.
[...]
*cue mad squeeing*
This would be my first pro-paid sale. (They pay 5c/word.) I'm like ... wow. Just ... wow. And she actually took the time to look me up online and use my favored name, which I never mention in subs. Wow.
*continues boinging*
Nonny Blackthorne wrote at 12:39 PM
